Finally starting and...

I don't really know where to start.

I'm sure a lot of people say that when they first write things like this, but I mean it. I want to be a writer, but I never know how to start my writing. As a young girl I would try to keep journals and diaries, and it would never work. I would be too afraid that someone would find it, tear out the pages, and recite them aloud to all of the people I wrote about. Like a play where all of the characters are of your creation, and the critic you're assigned is the girl you fought most with in high school.

I remember when Harriet The Spy came out in theaters. I definitely went through a "Harriet" phase. I wore a jacket all the time, I had all of my "spy-gear", I made tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches, and I kept a diary. I remember writing about all of the people on the playground, both friends and not very friendly. When it comes to popularity, I have always been in the middle. Never too popular, but never quite unpopular. I got along with everyone really. There were those people who wouldn't really associate with me for their own insecurities, but for the most part I knew everyone and just had my little group of friends. It has been that way since kindergarten. Therefore, anyone in my "spy book" was at liberty to be discussed.

I don't remember much about what I wrote, but I do remember that my words were found. Just like Harriet, my journal was taken, and read amongst my friends, causing them to shun me for a short period of time until I apologized enough and until they forgot about it all. Just like Harriet I remember being hurt, and angry, and for the most part sad. However, I remember learning that sometimes people may not like what others have to say about them, I sure didn't when my friends found my journal, but once I knew what people were thinking I learned an immense lesson right away. This is not to say that by me writing openly about people I know on here will teach them a lesson I'm saying it will help ME look at how I interact with everyone. I'm saying that this little experiment will help me try and find myself.

I'm pretty secure in my being, more about that will come in later posts, but I'm working out some kinks, kinks that everyone has. I just want to try and grab those swirling thoughts from the back of my mind, you know the ones that keep trying to elbow their way to the front? Well I want to take those and comb through the knots. However, I think the reason I have never been able to fully commit to a diary, a journal, a story, or a true path for myself is because I am afraid of the consequences. So I suppose I shall see what happens with this endeavor, and I suppose I shall learn a lot in the process.

My spy phase eventually faded. However, like Harriet I have never let go of the desire to see what makes people who they are, what they find most beautiful in this world, and how wonderful this life can be. I'm ready to slow down and see where I go from here.

It can really only be up.