This is the last time...

I wrote this poem about a woman I know who tries to find love through the physical with many partners, but can never find one to treat her like the queen she really is. I feel like many women do this in the hopes that someone will stop, realize what they have, and love them forever.


This is the last time
I let you inside
Each time gets better
I become more addicted to you
I want love
I need it, I wish I had it
Gratification
Each trial, fails.
Pain is the result of my conquests
Each time I brush myself off for love
A search that is never ending
A place I can find through the physical
If I give myself away someone will catch me
Hold me and take care of me
Never release me
I will have love
Each time I feel whole.
You get what you want and leave me with nothing
Stripped
Until I get back up, yet falter again
This is the last time.

Wow!

Tonight is my last night in the bay area before I take the trip home tomorrow. Not one thing from my room is packed in my car yet. ... Oye. I think I am just so burned out from this week. So many things have been going on. So many mixed emotions, too much work, and not enough sleep. I just needed a day to breathe. However, I am so excited to go home and spend some time with my family! I am so grateful for all of the wonderful people in my life. Now I must resume watching The L Word (I'm a little obsessed now) and continue packing! Wooo!

Romantic analysis...

I need to take a step back and let things breathe for a moment before they slip through my fingers. I'm clutching too tightly because of the fear that things might fall from my grasp. However, I need to realize that I shouldn't be grasping at all, I should be interlaced equally with another set of fingers. I need to let those fingers find their way around. Breathing is good. Time for me to focus on myself for a moment instead of worrying about what will happen. Yes, I am in love, but I also need to have love in return to make things work, and I need to let him see if he can do that for me. Step back. I can do this.

This move to Buffalo will be a good thing for me, no matter what happens.

Moving right along...

Holy moly!! I moved all of my stuff out of my room in a half an hour. YEAYAH! I rock. Now, comes the job of sorting it all out! Maybe the Ricky Gervais podcasts gave me this strength....

Easy as pie...

I'm working at a bakery now! It's beautiful place. Everyone that comes in stops right after they open the door to take in the sweet smell of sugar, butter, milk, eggs, and flour mixed together to form so many wonderful combinations. From peanut butter jumbles to Hello Dollys, from fresh banana cakes to our selection of over 40 heavenly cupcakes, our bakery has it all. It's always a pleasure to see families open the door and have their curly haired cherub like children run to the glass cases full of cakes and cookies. Pressing their little noses up to the glass wide eyed and overwhelmed by the attack on their little senses. Handing a little child a cupcake, and seeing half of it end up on their face is always an amusing sight. I am really liking the place so far. The little pink cake boxes, the taste testings, and the people are all looking good. =)



P.s. New Harry Potter trailer! OMGGG!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFyuHY_l6xg

My toe hurts...

I keep scrunching it and un-scrunching it under my covers to see if it will feel better, but it continues to be sore. I kept trying to figure out why the hell my toe hurts so much, and then I remembered.

I hit it on the metal part of his car's back seat.

It hurt like a bitch.

Oh love...

I love my boyfriend very much. Especially when the first thing he does in the morning is wrap his arms around me, kisses me, and calls me beautiful. Can you tell he's not here right now, and I miss him? I want snuuuuuuuggles! =)