I wish a boy would bring me tulips. A bouquet of pretty bright tulips ... and a beer. With a kiss.

I would like a rainy day, a boy, empty beer bottles, and a makeout session.

I've done it again. My usual routine of staying up way to late pumping music at an obscenely loud level into my headphones.

Baseball season is here!!

Pat Burrell is so hot. Sometimes I don't even know how to handle his hotness. He looks like a fireman. I want him to rescue me from a burning building. ... and then marry me...

I'm sad the Dodgers are gonna possibly win this series. Gross. GO GIANTS!

Temporarily lost.

I feel like the last two years have been a blur. What the hell have I been doing? I'm not anywhere near where I want to be. I don't know why I let my determination and drive slip out from beneath me. I of course have the time to still do everything I want, but I just feel so behind now. I feel like I fell asleep and became someone else. I don't know how I got here.

My stupid to do list.

I have too many things to do.

So I'm moving back to California. Financial hardships have made my dreams a bit more challenging to come true. How come they don't tell you THAT in high school? Either way, I am dealing with it, attacking it head on, and punching it the fuck out so I can move right along with my life. This move will be very beneficial. However, in order for it to happen, I need to get a ton o' shit done.

Some of this shit includes:


*Giving my two weeks notice. THAT will be awesome. Right now I'm doing cold calls at work, and it is flipping MISERABLE.

*Packing all of my crap up into boxes and shipping it home. Hopefully this will be under $100.

*Finding out a way to ship my beautiful bed across the country for under 300 dollars. Oh what's that? You're laughing at the naive one? Hm, shush.

*Cleaning ... everything, ugh ew.

*Having enough money to do all of this. Meaning I really can't go spend a ton of money. (I am getting my god damn vanilla frapuccino though. YOU CAN"T STOP ME!)

*Apply for a shit ton of jobs, but ones that I actually want to have. Which means a lot of focus, a lot of editing my cover letter, and a lot of bullshit basically.

*Begin my grad school applications to please my parents, and ultimately myself. I do want to go to graduate school, I'm just overwhelmed with everything right now, and I just would like a little mental break plz. ... PLZ?!


I know this may not seem like a lot. However, I only have two weeks, I have absolutely ZERO motivation to get any of this done as well. I would so rather be shoving food down my face, and watching as much random TV as I can find, renting movies, buying chai lattes, hanging out with my ex all the time because we're friends again, doing absolutely NOTHING on Facebook, and staring off into the snowy distance, than be checking things off of my list. Oh wait. ... I've been doing all of that. ... ... UGH I NEED TO GET SHIT DONE. I know, just do it, you'll feel better once it's done, you'll have to do it anyway so don't wait until the last minute. Blabbity blah blahhhh. I just need to whine and bitch about it first.

But hey, I did get a big chunk done today. I cleaned out my closet, sorted through the things I want to ship back, AND did the whole eat and watch a movie thing too. GO ME!

I can't wait until I have a life again. Oye.




What a life!! Lucky bastard. Now I'm gonna go get that Frappuccino.

I just watched Easy A...

...and I have definitely developed a geeky lady crush on Emma Stone. *sigh* I kinda want to be best friends with her? I feel like girls who make statements like that never get to be friends with Emma Stone. Maybe I should pretend that I have no idea who she is, so then we can become awesome besties, and be extremely awesomely funny people? Why am I questioning such a brilliant plan?! Okay so I changed my mind, no lady crush on Emma Stone, Emma who? Hmmm... this will work... yup.

What's on my mind?

All super life changing thoughts. I mean honestly, I am pretty important. =P

California


Warmth




Hugs


Hot cocoa


Photography


Snuggles


How shitty my job is



The future



Loving life



Being determined



Being a career woman


Family


Money


Chocolate


Tea


It's kind of sad that I've been working on this thing all day. Work has been... lackluster to say the least.

Dreams of a chic girly apartment...

Keep swirling in my mind. I am counting down the days until this can happen in my life. Pretttttyyyyy so many pretttyyyyssss!


Courtesy of poptart



Gauche





GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!






Me wannntsss eet. MY PREEEECIIOUUUUUSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holiday prison of WONDER!

I have locked myself in my room.

I am eating the world. Which at the moment contains lots of chocolate, and I am watching all of the Christmas specials I can find online. I don't have cable, so I need to get creative! Being away from my family during this time of year is proving to be hard. Especially my brother, since he is the one I used to watch all of these specials with. I spoke with him the other day, and he offered the same concern, saying that watching these cheesy TV specials just isn't the same without me. This time of year is always my favorite. I need to go get presents for my family! I'll probably have to do that while I am in California though. I don't want to bring too much stuff on the plane, and my gift ideas are fragile. I am very happy right now though, with my Christmas specials, sweet goodies, and my space heater acting as a makeshift fireplace.

Let's see today I have watched:

A Charlie Brown Christmas
Prep & Landing (super cute!)
Rick Steve's European Christmas
The Little Drummer Boy
A Muppet Christmas Carol
And now Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!

I love the Rankin-Bass specials. They are my favorite. I could watch them non-stop for hours, and I have! They ARE the Christmas season for me. They are the BEST. Those and all of the Muppet specials. Love them all so much.






Gosh I am such a sucker for all of this crap! Oh well, I truly enjoy it. I think it's because I truly enjoy giving, and this season is all about it! Giving and love, two of my favorite things. This might be cheesy, but I don't care, I absolutely love the season. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Like my space heater...

With a thankful a heart

Every night will end, and every day will start, with a grateful prayer, and a thankful heart.

I love the holidays

Rick Steve's European Christmas is up next!! HELL to the YES.



Also this website:

www.theydrawandcook.com

Has become my favorite new thing EVAR. I just discovered it yesterday, and it makes me want to bake and eat everything! Mostly everything with the word "cookie" or "holiday" or "spiced" or "cocktail" next to it. I am in love!!

Here are some of my favorites!!







Off to go immerse myself in European CHRISTMAS!!!

Christmas time is here...

Warm oatmeal with coconut milk, a stain of dark tart berries, a spoonful of honey, splash of vanilla, and a dash of cinnamon. Add a sweet creamy cup of the ferret tea with A Charlie Brown Christmas, and you have one lovely Sunday morning. ♥

RUT

I haven't gotten out of bed for two days, except to go to the store, or make some tea.

My nose won't stop tickling, and I feel as if I'm about to sneeze all the time. My roommates are lazy and won't go buy some god damn toilet paper when we need it. I think I need to make a chore chart or something. It's just getting ridiculous.

I'm not in a very good place right now. I feel really lonely. I keep reliving past moments in my head. That stirs up more emotions and jealousy. I don't have anyone out here right now. I'm not moving home because I know I'm meant to be out here. I'm just not meant to be in Buffalo. I've been applying for jobs in NYC.


I don't know things just piled up when I left, and it's getting really really hard to keep doing all of this.

My current obsessions...

MMMM

Vanilla candles glowing softly and slowly perfuming the room.

A glass of red wine caressing my taste buds.


...And laundry.

Cleaning before my godparents get here tomorrow!! Woo!

Also this song makes me feel incredibly sexy.




Like... cyborg eye sexy. Ohhhh yea...

WHAI am I up so late? I do not understand why I am doing theeeesss?! Oh right, because I went to a play and didn't have time to use the interwebs like I usually do. Am I an interwebs addict? Oh noes. Maybe I needs a 12 step programs? I DUNNOZ. This is a true crackhead post. Now I must go read the new Mark Reads Harry Potter post, and I must shuffle on over to sleep. MMM sleeeeeep! Ah I have an interview tomorrow too!! WHAIII?!

Blah

Ugggghhhh, fuckin douche. I'm still not over it, and I'm still mad. I suppose it's easy for people to never change. I truly hate that side of him. Which sucks because the other side is flipping fantastic. However, you judge a person by their worst, and THAT is not the person I knew.

Aaaaannd cut- I'm done. Emo moment, I'm back. I met a guy that couldn't keep his eyes off of me on Friday. A cute guy. =P He's way too old for me, which I found out after I gave him my number (DOH), but hey, it was nice to flirt and very nice to be finally be appreciated. =)

Also, I can't stop listening to this song:

The Essence of Babums

Me being me. Herro.